to work.

Having a car in the shop is a good reason to ride my bike to work. Before I moved, I used to ride to work regularly. I enjoy the ride to work. I do not enjoy the ride home. It is too hot. I've been bumming rides home off coworkers who live by me and can haul my bike.

Still love this bike. And it still kicks my ass on the inclines.

--AC

two steps back.

Things were going well. I was riding regularly to the gym. I was geting back into cycling and bikini shape. My dad's health is good. But our little dog Lucy passed away after 16+ years.

Another emotional blow. Another increase in anxiety. Another vacation from the bikes.

One good thing that's come of my bike vacations is that I have a lot of time on my hands to make things. So, I've been making bike stands. And selling them.

--AC

forward progress again.

My dad getting sick turned out to be a major set back. It was months before I got back on any of my bikes. I started hiking and lifting weights to compensate. It wasn't the same. Or at least my tan lines weren't the same. I miss my permanent gloves!

I recently started riding my road bike to the gym. It is a quick little 9 mile round trip through the city. It reminds me of riding bikes when I was a kid. It's an adventure. I get to weave in and out of people and avoid getting hit by cars (not a joking matter, but I did that as a kid too.)

I am not clipping in. I changed the pedals on my road bike back to hybrid pedals. I felt it was a necessary compromise. Progress is progress.

Here's a picture from a recent trip:

--AC

failures and set-backs.

We trained. We raised money. We trained more.

Then my dad got sick. Eight days before the Diabetes ride.

He was in the hospital for 4 days. The doctors think he will be okay despite the fact they don't actually know what is wrong with him. I'm still scared shitless.

So. We didn't ride. I couldn't ride. My anxiety was through the roof and I couldn't imagine being on my road bike, clipped-in amongst hundreds of other riders.

This was a failure. One I could not avoid. I am still seeing my therapist for my anxiety ... let's hope this wasn't a major setback.

--AC

into the wind.

We rode the Diabetes Ride route as part of our training. I wasn't prepared for the wind. Somehow we had to ride into the wind for 2/3's of the route.

I'm not kidding. I had wind beating into my chest for what felt like the entire ride. I got angry at one point and tried to figure out how it was possible that I was still riding into the wind... and up hill no less. I can only imagine how I looked to people passing me in cars. I was a pissed off cyclist going 2 miles an hour, up-hill and into the wind. I hope they thought "man, they're hard core."... but I'm sure it was more like "damn, I'm glad that's not me."

It wasn't fun. I did not enjoy. My lips were chapped. My ass was sore. My legs were spent.

But I rode the whole stupid thing. It took three hours. I feel a hundred feet tall right now.

--AC

we train.

We're training for the American Diabetes Association Ride for the Cure in March. Of course, this means I am on my road bike a lot. The progress I made clipping in a month or so a go has been maintained. I feel like I have regained my cycling rhythm. It still feels really good and I don't take it for granted.

We are training for the surprisingly hilly 35mile route. The farthest we'd ever consistently ridden our road bikes was about 25 miles on mostly flat ground, so this is proving to be challenge. On our mountain bikes and my trike we do shorter more intense routes... I like the change of pace.

I've never really ridden a "fundraiser" ride before. This is new. I don't like asking people for money, but a co-workers husband died from diabetes complications last year and I am riding in his name. I am proud of that.

I miss Helga. I've hardly ridden her recently. I think she misses me too. I can see her eyeing me longingly from across the room.

--AC

i clipped in.

In an earlier post I referenced a bicycle accident I had in the summer of 2009. The recovery from that has been long and not so straight forward. I almost lost cycling because it stopped being fun. It was stressful. I was too anxious to ride. 6 months after the crash I got a therapist. A few months after that I got Helga and rediscovered the joy of cycling. However, in the 18 months since my crash I have been unable to clip-in on my road bike.

A few days ago, and at the urging of my therapist, I took the bull by the horns.

It was a sudden realization that today would be the day I clipped in. That was how I thought of it: "clipping in". That described the entire thing. All the anxiety, the turmoil, the struggles. It was "clipping in".

I got my road bike ready. Doubled check the tires. Made sure my spare tube and patch kit were in order. I took a few deep breathes and put my shoes on. This wasn't the first time I'd worn my shoes since the crash. When I ride Helga I clip-in, but it is entirely different on a trike. You don't clip out until you're done riding. This is why Helga is so good for me. On a road bike, you have to clip out every time you stop (unless you're one of those crazy people that can just balance forever on two wheels).

When I first sat down on my bike with my shoes on, I didn't really feel anything. I wasn't thinking about everything that could go wrong, I was just breathing. That was all I heard. Air coming in. Air going out.

I clipped in my left foot and stood there for a few seconds. It felt a little odd, but mostly okay. So I pushed off the ground with my right foot and started down my driveway. Once I hit the street I clipped my right foot in. *click* I love that sound. It's like a baby's laughter or waves at the ocean...  I briefly closed my eyes because I feel such joy... Then my blood started pumping pretty loudly. My street was only a hundred yards long. I unclipped immediately.

I didn't clip my right foot back in until I reached the main section of my ride. About 4 miles of open road. it felt good to really push myself on the road bike. I hadn't done that in 18 months. I felt amazing. Well, at least for the first 4 miles. On the way back, my ass reminded me that I wasn't used to that skinny little seat anymore.

So. I did it. I had a major milestone. I clipped in on my road bike. My therapist actually yelped with joy and clapped when I told her. She is just as emotionally invested in this journey as I am.

It feels good.

--AC